emperor julian’s bandana (english poetry)

I don’t always know how to write poetry; well, I do know how it is meant to be written, I just can’t say I know how to write it. Every time I write a poem, it feels like I’m learning to write poetry all over, and over, and over, stretching longitudinally like a row of trees lining an horizon, perpetually learning how to grow. Hence why, I believe, it is so difficult to publish something I’ve written; I essentially have no perception of my evolution, thus, I can’t really feel like I’ve evolved. I can objectively put a poem of mine from years ago and one that I’ve just written, and of course I prefer the latter, but merely because I am the latter presently, and I shall never again be the former nor feel it in the dimensions I felt it when it was penned.
But this is a hurdle that extends to life, at least in some ways. We can say we have evolved, but it is hard to pinpoint the whys, the hows, the morphology we had and now have seem, at times, entirely disconnected, separate autonomous beings, and sighting ourselves in retrospect can often feel like seeing something entirely eldritch, the sun that warmed us then doesn’t feel like the same sun, the waters we bathe in don’t feel like the same waters, and there is this strange sentiment, like we are perpetually learning how to grow, how to do these same things in new ways, ways that match our new beings.

(Thank you for reading me, I know I’ve been diffuse lately, but even if I’m not great at this, I always try to give the best of myself that I have, and I’m incredibly grateful that you allow me that luxury)


Published by João-Maria

A tick clinging to the bristles of a purple boar.

5 thoughts on “emperor julian’s bandana (english poetry)

  1. I connect with the feeling ‘not knowing how to write a poem’ so well. But I believe it brings out the best and most unique poem hiding in us. I enjoyed reading the poems in your post.
    Happy writing!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It is rather odd, is it not? You’re meant to know how to do this thing you’ve done hundreds of times, yet it never feels like you do.
      I’m glad you enjoyed them, Daya, thank you for stopping by!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m a little speechless — both at your profound use of the English language, something sorely lacking in most of us native English speakers, and in your dear and artistically inclined humbleness. Your poetry amazes, stuns, gnaws at the reader, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. The patterns are play and hard work both. Strive and thrive, JM, strive and may you thrive. May you have peace and joy — but not enough to stop you from writing poetry. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A thousand-folded gratitude, Jane, truly. My language does feel a bit eldritch most times, but it feels cumbrous to write in such a beautiful language using just the tip of it. It feels wasteful, really.
      I’m very humbled by your comment, it warms me profoundly; I do rather love to coalesce both the levity of living and the more leaden qualities of it in a way that augments both, I’m really exulted that you noticed.
      Never stop being so kind and good-spirited, Jane, we all need you.

      Liked by 2 people

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